I need to be back.

I need to be back.

I need to blog.

Life is like WHOA. I have now gained MORE weight in the six months after the birth of Francisco than during my entire pregnancy itself. I am uncomfortable and want to hide. I hate getting dressed, I hate being social, I hate being seen by people who haven’t seen me in awhile. In fact, I avoid being social.

I have contemplated blogging for awhile now but there has been a little voice in side my head reminding me the blogging world isn’t what it was when I started blogging in 2007. People are quicker now to give their judgement via comments. People are more mean. To be honest, I’m scared of mean-spirited comments when I fall off the wagon. Or when I eat something someone doesn’t agree with. Sharing my struggles for the world to see. Opening myself back up to vulnerability.

And, does anyone read blogs anymore?

But Carlos reminded me recently that if I were to start blogging again, I wouldn’t be doing it because people read my blog. I would be blogging to hold myself accountable. Dear diary, I suppose.

Because I need to be back.

I need to blog.

I don’t know what my voice is. What I once was as Jen, priorfatgirl, is a memory. I am a mom now, our little guy is SIX MONTHS. We moved to Milwaukee a few months ago. I am now 5 hours away from my sisters, my best friends. 5 hours away from the healthiness support I could have reached out to. Still trying to navigate the stress of a huge move, starting a new job, going back to work. I feel like I’m starting from scratch. Like I’m all alone. Trying to figure out how to balance work, life, a baby AND try to be healthy overwhelms me. Excuses become justified, food becomes my outlet. Same story, different time in my life. Funny how I find myself here yet again.

So, dear diary. Dear typing my emotions out. Dear blogging for myself, for my healthiness, for my emotional processing. Dear diary.