Confessions of a Monican…

I want to be an Uber driver for a week just to see if I meet cool new people and hear weird stories. (If I pick you up please make up a super odd story about where you’re going. Thanks.)

 

I want a squatty pottie. Randomly, I was contacted by a rep for the company years ago to do a review for the blog but I turned it down because I didn’t want to talk about the details and effectiveness of a stool meant to help you go #2. Aaaand now I’m talking about it anyway, but I’ll leave it at that.

 

I don’t like the air dryer things for your hands in public restrooms. I know it’s better for the environment but my hands feel cleaner when I wipe them with a rough piece of paper after washing.

 

I probably cussed in front of my lil brother a few times this week (he’s 15, not 5) but when he said ‘shlt’ the other day I was crystal clear that was not allowed (read as: I shut it down so hard you’d have thought he was talking about running away to sell drugs).

 

I dropped a glob of spaghetti sauce on my chest while eating today and swiped it up with a finger and ate it. Someone tell me that’s normal.

 

Sometimes I loiter around people in the grocery store if they look confused. Then, I’ll chime in with my random thoughts about the products they’re looking at in case they needed some help…

“Monican, you don’t work at the store and no one asked for your help. Keep it moving.”– something someone should tell me.

 

Speaking of helping people at the grocery store…  I once applied for a job at Trader Joe’s but wasn’t  available to work on Saturdays because it’s my long run day (I didn’t say that to them hello). A manager said that was when they needed people and passed on my application. Priorities.

 

The other day I was chewing gum and got sick of it but didn’t have any paper to wrap it in so I just set it down on the paper calendar that was next to my laptop. Later Vegas came to lay by me and LAID ON THE GUM! I didn’t realize until I saw the rubbery green chunk stuck to his side when he got up. HA!!!!

Luckily it came off super easy and he didn’t even realize what was happening.

Your turn – got anything to confess?

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